Five extremes every parent should avoid

leavingonajetplane
Nathaniel and I just minutes before boarding a ship bound for Cebu.

When I started writing this article, I have in mind about the issues every parent has to deal with on a daily basis raising a child and that there is no method that will guarantee you will be the best parent. Some parents resort to extremism, in their desperate attempt to only make the best for their child, without themselves knowing it.

It has only been just a little over three years ago when I first became a father to a son, but all I know as what the experience has taught me about parenthood as something you will have to patiently deal with, sacrifice a lot, and grow up for. As a parent, you have to make sure you don’t fall in the category to any of these five extremes:

PARENTS WHO ARE PERMISSIVE

When a parent starts bending to the wishes of his or her child and the child shows he or she is in control of everything, then discipline becomes a major issue to deal with for that matter. Here, the child behaves the way he likes and never learning to control his own behavior. This state of a parent’s losing control to his or her child’s behavior, in the long run, will leave him or her feeling embarrassed.

I sometimes fall in this category. But I’m working towards making it right for me and my three-year-old son. Nathaniel has, sometimes, caused my nerves to fray. And there are times when I have chosen to stay at home rather than hassle him in public.

What I have learned from this experience, though, was that it is wrong to assume that you are helping your child by letting him do as he pleases. It is a parent’s duty to possess the strength of character for the moral decisions that should be made on a daily basis. I was happy to see the changes and improvement in Nathaniel’s behavior after working out on it.

THE AUTHORITATIVE ONES

This is where most parents fail to see about the role of parenthood: to assume that it is their duty to exercise full control, dictate, and command their children. The parents who fall under this category are imposing strict rules to totally dominate their children. But applying too much pressure on your child will have negative implications, too.

Studies have shown that children under authoritarian rule of parents found it difficult to learn to make decisions on their own. It was also found out that severe discipline among children will result to their being disobedient, quarrelsome, rebellious, troublemakers at school, and nervous and quick-tempered.

PARENTS WHO ARE POSSESSIVE

When you, as a parent, failed to allow your kids to take reasonable risks or to do the things by themselves, then you’re depriving your children their rights to natural way of growing up and development. Parents who fall under this category, more often than not, think that they’re doing such things out of their love and concern for their children. They failed to recognize the fact that by doing the things to keep their children as close to them as possible, they’re making them totally dependent on them in the process as well.

One of the parents’ obligations is to train their children to face life strongly and courageously. Possessiveness could be a sign of weakness, and it often springs from fear of rejection. A possessive parent may feel unreasonably guilty for the rejection he or she feels towards his or her child.

PARENTS WHO ARE INDIFFERENT

The opposite of love isn’t hate but indifference. Indifferent parents just don’t care everything for and about their children. But it involves, for the most part, total neglect of a child, cruelty and abandonment.

Children need emotional satisfaction, aside from the nourishment they’re going to receive from foods, to survive. When children suffer emotional starvation, they will die a slow death which is just as dangerous and effective as when they’re suffering from physical starvation.

PARENTS WHO ARE OPPOSITE EXTREMES

Parents who fall under this category differ in their approach, methods, temperament, styles, and response in disciplining their children. However, these differences could be easily dealt with by simply working together as a team. It is advisable not to allow your children seeing both of you disagreeing over how they should be handled.

And when it comes to raising children or to discipline them, it must be done or executed in the atmosphere of love. But even with love and punishment, balance is necessary. I hope this article on the five extremes every parent should avoid was able to help in anyway.

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