Naturally, most parents, if not all, are always there to protect their children from harm, failure, and disappointments. But doing so, in an excessive or intense manner, could often lead to what psychologists call as enmeshed parenting. In case you have no idea what enmeshed parenting is all about, it is a style of parenting that, with a parent’s attempt to only make and do the best for his child, interferes in a negative way or causes problems in the child’s successful development of his own personality, ethics, and values.
An enmeshed parent is one who is usually perfectionist and he wants to extend such a sense of perfectionism to his sons and daughters. For him, the good or difficult behavior that his children are showing, as well as their successful or unsuccessful achievements can only define his worth.
He might be, in one way or another, very invasive, with his entire focus is on taking care of his children alone that he forgets to also take care of his own self, and feeling such a strong need to know everything about what his children are thinking and doing.
Children who grew up with enmeshed parents developed such a feeling of being responsible for the feelings of other people while simply ignoring responsibility for their own. For these children, taking care of their own selves is selfishness and this can lead to their being compliant and disconnected from their very own selves. In addition to that, they would most likely be having problems in their adult relationships, whether in work or personal, because they are struggling with such a feeling of being lost or empty inside resulting from not having learned well how to be responsible for their own feelings.
When you live in a world that applauds perfection and wherever children may look, it seems like someone is whispering into their ears that perfection is the goal, little did these perfectionist parents know that they’re making their children become prisoners of their own expectations. They become excessively driven, more than anything else, about having such a fear of making mistakes. Once this drive for excellence and being the best turns into what is a compulsive drive for perfection, trouble follows.
Letting children fail sometimes is perhaps one of the most critical of things a parent can do. Learning from mistakes, especially those when parents don’t bother to interfere at all, is an important skill. It helps children in building resilience as they come to mature into confident, successful, and happy adults.
Parents should be showing their kids how to cope with life’s challenges. Of course, to just sit back and let your kids make mistakes is not an easy thing. But you have to bear in mind and to make your children understand that personal imperfection and failure can help them realize and understand about other people, yes even adults, who make mistakes yet still go on to lead happy and productive lives.