What is your very reason for becoming a parent? Does having a baby is more than enough to fill a void in your life? Does having a baby has become a means taking away all of your loneliness and emptiness within? How would you be able to control and triumph this special parent-child relationship from the other relationships you have failed? Do you have this ability by which you could accurately reflect on your child’s feelings and participate in his experiencing? Do you know what loving your child really means?
These questions, if answered honestly, would expose what kind of a parent you truly are from what you should be. But the last question is one that can give some huge an impact for that matter. Knowing what loving your child means is to know what you can give him best. Give him, therefore, the real gift of your love in action. You have to allow me, as a parent myself, to take it deeper in the discussion that follows.
Knowing what loving your child means is very important to avoid the danger of fusing with your child or the danger of symbiosis. While it is true that, as a parent, one best way to show your love to your child is meeting his needs, yet there are two important things that loving does not mean. One is to put into mind that loving your child does not mean giving him everything he wants. The other one is for the parent to stop acting as though he was the child himself.
In a parent-child relationship, loving should mean establishing an appropriate relationship. It is about the honoring of the innate connection between a parent and in recognizing the fact that he is not actually his child. The parent must be aware of the fact that he and his child are two separate people.
Of course, the parent (especially the mother) and her infant should appear so fused or intimately connected from the very start, but this condition is temporary and necessary only to ensure the survival of the baby. Due to the infant’s so many needs, a parent, most particularly the mom, has to be exquisitely sensitive to her babe so she could do the things necessary for his survival. But she must resist such a tendency of merging with her child; she needs to isolate herself from the baby in proper time. Most parents evolve into symbiotic moms and dads, instead of becoming ones who are emphatic.
Empathy is one of the basic elements in fostering attunement, allowing the parent to know what should be done in order to maintain balance between nurturing and structuring. Once a mom or dad is attuned to his or her child’s needs would know when to meet these needs by saying yes and when to meet such needs by saying no. Empathizing is the best way to show you truly care for someone and, when it’s done by a parent to his child, to show what loving your child means for that matter.