The not so seriously taken Ten Commandments of parenting

KKK
My son Nathaniel was only six months old in this picture.

It has been said that a passion for parenting is an indispensable complement to informed and smart family leadership. As a dedicated parent, I’m sure you may have already been engaged passionately with your own brand of child rearing just so you could see your son or daughter reach his or her potential as a social being by learning from your own experience and from what the experts in the field may have to say or suggest. Yes, families are dynamic systems that may differ in one way or another and in a lot of ways, but there are core commitments that should define how effective the family has become.

When your son, for example, reaches boyhood, one of the most important of things to consider is that you, as a parent, are ensuring how socially and emotionally healthy man he has become. In other words, you’ve got to transform the course of your son’s boyhood in the most productive and positive way possible.

But the big question mark is “How?” Well, there’s no surefire formula towards achieving it but whatever you had which you think is best could be all worth a try. The following are the not so seriously taken Ten Commandments of parenting which could help parents to help their son or daughter build the expressive and social skills that would make him or her become a happy and successful adult:

YOU’VE GOT TO BE SHOWING EMPATHY

Showing empathy before your children is very important. Empathic parenting is for the parents to see each child as the unique individual that he or she is. Recognizing the individuality of your son or daughter is one way to provide an acknowledgement that he or she hungers for.

Empathizing could also mean standing in the best possible position to respond to your child’s emotional needs. It is also about showing respect that the way your son or daughter expresses himself or herself is telling you something important about who he or she is. Empathy should be something that secures parenting decisions for that matter.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE MAKING TIME

Sure, life will have to change when you have children. It will never be the same again as your sense of time, too, will have to change with it. But yet without time all of your intentions will come too little.

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One way you could be demonstrating other people’s importance in your life is through making or spending time with them. When you are giving time to your son or daughter it’s equivalent as saying he or she is important to you and that he or she is your priority. Some parents are, sometimes, falling into the mistake of trying to fill their children up with tangible gifts, special experiences, and privileges, when, in fact, none of these things could replace the need for their time.

Making time with your son or daughter could also mean attending to him or her and to try to carefully notice what he or she thinks and says. In that way, you could respond to him or her in a way that will make him or her feel understood and important. When you make time, you’re more than simply doing something with anyone you consider special or important.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE WILLING TO TAKE ACTIONS

This is what parents should take into consideration when it comes to taking actions concerning their kids: that, in most cases, anticipatory action is more useful than reaction. A parent should be one that is proactive instead of being just reactive. When a parent is more than willing to do what is necessary just so he could raise his children well, is one of the key commitments he should be making being a parent.

However, the hardest part of taking action is in the acceptance of the fact that a particular intervention is needed or required. Timing is also another important thing to consider. The parents must know when to act, at least most of the time. You have got to get involved, as a parent, when your son or daughter is unable to resolve the problem by himself or herself and when the situation is already hurting him or her.

YOU HAVE GOT TO STAY POSITIVE

Having a positive outlook, as a parent, is something your children could learn a lot from and benefit from simultaneously. But how could you get positive in troubled times? When the going gets tough and things don’t just turned out right for you?

Well, getting positive is all about having to remain optimistic in the face of difficulties or resistance to change. Every child, just like the rest of Homo sapiens, cannot accomplish all things, but yet is one that is so capable of improvement. You don’t have to compel someone to achieve amazing results through the sheer force of your will just so it could be termed as “positive.”

As a parent, to stay positive is to maintain a problem-solving perspective of whatever challenges your child is facing. You have to feed your child with words of encouragement and not to let your own emotional ups and downs become a defining element in the way you interact with your children. You have to put in mind that your son or daughter is watching your reactions to their efforts carefully.

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YOU’VE GOT TO BE INFORMED

While ultimately you, as a parent, have to accept the responsibility for making decisions in your kid’s best interest, effective parenthood is when one has to consider different ideas and perspectives. This could be learned and accomplished much by embracing the plurality of perspectives available. Parents should be seeking useful information from both formal and informal sources.

YOU’VE GOT TO TEACH

As a parent, you don’t only have to provide for your child’s basic needs which include food, clothing, shelter, emotional necessities and many more. You had to be, most specially, a teacher. This was so because you’re going to be imparting not only “what” but as well the “why.” The moment you explain not only what you want your children to do but why is to build their social and self-awareness.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE A MODEL

Someone once said that the best way to teach is by example. It has been found out that a parent who is polite, considerate, expressive, and sincere would most likely teach his children to speak in the same way or manner. Mistakes are unavoidable and when you make mistakes before your children, don’t hesitate to apologize. What’s more interesting is that you could turn these mistakes into teaching opportunities.

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YOU HAVE GOT TO COLLABORATE

One of the key ingredients of families running smoothly and with a high degree of cooperation is through collaboration. With or without yourself knowing it, you are collaborating directly with your child when you involve him in clarifying your goals and expectations. Parents should be taking time to ask their children to help define those expectations until both of them arrive at a common destination.

YOU HAVE GOT TO PERSEVERE

Yes it is so true a phrase that not everything works the first time you try it. Perseverance is very important factor in parenting and it is very closely related to the commitment of time. So that, sometimes, when the going gets tough, it is more important to try longer than it is to try harder.

YOU HAVE GOT TO KNOW YOUR FAMILY’S CORE VALUES

Every family needs a compass, most particularly a moral compass to live by. Knowing what these core values are is very important as they interweave with all the other nine commandments of parenting. You have got to take a look at your family’s interests, strengths, and expressed values.

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