Helping the younger generations through the formative years of life

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Nathaniel and his friends sang the Philippine National Anthem in this picture. 

Whether you like it or not, society plays a significant role in creating a system that could either effectively destroy or promote human worth. While there are lots of good things a society could do that people could positively mirror from, the need to understand the destructive forces it may create should as well be given attention if you wish to help the younger generations through the formative years of their lives. Consider the following factors a society is capable of creating such a false value system that could effectively destroy human worth in general:

INTELLIGENCE

One critical factor by which people tend to measure the worth of an individual is through his or her innate intelligence. There are parents who are highly sensitive and vulnerable whenever somebody’s implying that their child is being incapable mentally.

It must be dealt with considerably, though, the fact that most parents become interesting creatures after the birth of their baby. It would appear as if they’re in competition against all other parents. All they want is for their child to excel in everything. Bragging is the name of the game, as if it could give the child more worth.

Often, parents are going to evaluate the worth of their child through his or her ability to make them look good. But what happens if the child couldn’t measure up to his or her parents’ expectations? Instead of pressuring or losing interest on the child, the best thing parents could do is to focus on their child’s strengths and good qualities.

There are more important things in life than impressive grades in school reports (not that it is not important to be good at what you’re doing or aspiring to excel at something, though.) But the point is it would especially help the child if the parents are finding ways to develop such a special talent within a child that would compensate for his or her weaknesses. Parents are helping their slow-learner child better if they could find a skill out of their child that he or she enjoys and in providing the opportunity for him or her to master it.

Remember that the worth of an individual should not be measured by his or her IQ. A slow-learner child especially if you’re making comparison of him or her to that of a bright one of his or her age may find himself or herself caught in a whirlpool of depression.  He or she becomes the wasted victim of a false value that a society creates.

THE LOOKS

Anyone who’s born beautiful is having such a distinct advantage over others. It’s a fact that human society so highly prized beauty. Even a toddler would be learning what good looks could do for him or her. The good looking child would know by experience that the adults of his or her life are going to respond favorably to him or her.

They would be smiling at him or her, telling him or her how cute he or she is, and even make a fuss over him or her. On the other hand, the unattractive child is overlooked and deprived of what his or her better-looking siblings are getting—attention, praises, flatteries, and admirations. Although it’s an accepted human nature, judging a person’s worth on the basis of physical attractiveness is a false value.

OTHER FACTORS

There are circumstances beyond a person’s control that predisposes him or her to have emotional problems. Factors such as physical deformity or oddity could almost ruin a child’s life. Financial deprivation could also seriously handicap a young child’s peer acceptance, most particularly if his or her clothing does fall within acceptable norms.

Some of these social blunders or mistakes during the early years could sometimes haunt a person for as long as he or she lives. Other factors affecting self-growth are, for example, when you’re brought up in a single parent home, having an alcoholic parent, having a mentally or physically disabled sibling, belonging to a cultural minority, or being part of a different race or religion. Unloving relationships also cripple other children.

While people may often naively assert that all a child should need is love and he or she would develop satisfactorily, won’t be enough. Parents may be able to control factors inside the home, but they couldn’t totally control the world outside their home. In spite of all of these problems life’s throwing at a child, he or she must still be able to function adequately.

Children must be taught how to cope with the false values that stem from society. They must be taught how to grow emotionally through problems. They must be taught to accept the inevitable hurts and to nobly rise above them.

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Seeing the difference and loving it

SEEING THE DIFFERENCE AND LOVING IT
Connectivity is the fundamental principle of the universe.

Parenting is viewed as something, at least by most people including myself, originating from such a belief that the universe is a creation of God. A conscious parent, therefore, or to become one, is the one who engaged in such a connectional process as being the expression of the laws of the universe. So that when we, parents, parent our child consciously, we’re participating in the cosmic order as well as that of contributing to what it is trying to do.

Hence, parenting or child rearing should be such that is more than just caring for a child as a biological life-form. It is, as what should ideally be, to participate in the creation of God and the laws of the universe. It is not only to promote and do what is a moral act, but because it is such a moral imperative to do so.

The universe that we live in is a Conscious Universe. Its very stuff is Consciousness in the same way that we could become self-aware as we have the capacity of self-awareness we inherited from the universe that is becoming conscious of itself through us.

We should become more aware of the universe and the intimacy of our connection to all things because of this. We should become more aware of how the Almighty Creator is working through us to achieve its purpose. When our very essence as parents is consciousness, we do not only make conscious parenting possible but, most importantly, we as well participate in the divine plan.

Our universe, as what the general view in Physics trying to explain it, exploded into being (an estimated ten to fourteen billion years ago), which gave birth to all things: the stars, the galaxies, and eventually all life-forms, including us. It could lead us to the conclusion that, from the very start, we’re all made of the same stuff.

But while scientists are trying to figure out what should be the answer to such a question on how consciousness could arise out of inanimate material, it is good for us to believe, along with some physicists, that the stardust of which we are made is animated, and in essence, is Consciousness.

Our consciousness came into being, from our unique perspective, not as a quality of our physical reality that arose at some point in our evolution, but as the essence of our physical being.

Believing that such a Consciousness, from the very beginning, mutated into energy and matter, giving birth to all things, both animate and inanimate, is the best way possible to understand why “connectivity” should be, considering that all things are made from the same material, the fundamental principle of the universe.

We must also be aware of the fact that Consciousness, which in essence is non-material, is yearning to express itself in a multiplicity of forms. The form Consciousness has taken in us is to become human. But it has also fulfilled its drive to take form in millions of other ways.

Looking at nature, we couldn’t help but see how much life loves diversity. Each one of us is different from all the others, but remains a human being nonetheless. Not even identical twins are totally the same in every way, because their unique experiences are going to shape them in unique ways.

In the same manner that we and our children are far from identical, we could, at least, through them see the world differently. Through them, we’re given the chance to notice things that would have been invisible to us and to know things we haven’t learned ourselves. It is our job as parents to see such a difference and loving it.

Evaluate your children through this test

evaluate_your_child
Help your child in overcoming his or her negative feelings; capitalize on developing healthier feelings.

This questionnaire is not a psychological test just so you could determine whether your child is normal or not. But this was just intended to give you a better idea of how your child feels about himself or herself. Parents should be studying the responses carefully for any negative feelings that may be showing up in their children’s answers.

You have to figure out what are these things that your child disliked about himself or herself. The challenge is for you to do something in helping your child overcome these negative feelings and develop healthier feelings.

  1. What three things do you like best about yourself?
  2. I feel bad when___________…
  3. I feel awful when__________…
  4. The thing I do worst is__________…
  5. It really worries me when_________…
  6. If you could make just one wish and it could come true, what would that be?
  7. I am most proud of my ability to_________… Why?
  8. One thing my friends disliked about me is________…
  9. I feel important when________…
  10. I feel comfortable when________…
  11. The people I dislike most_________…Why?
  12. The people I like most_________…Why?
  13. The thing I dislike most about my looks is________…
  14. Five words that best describe me are__________…
  15. What four things do you like about yourself?
  16. One word to describe your dad.
  17. One word to describe your mom.
  18. When it comes to sports, I________…
  19. Three things you don’t like about yourself.
  20. If I could change one thing about myself and make myself different from how I am now, it would be_________…
  21. If you’re a flower, what flower would you be and why?
  22. I would have more friends if_______…
  23. In order to be more popular with other children_______…
  24. Things I wish I didn’t do________…
  25. The best thing about being me is________…
  26. If you could change one on yourself, what should it be? Why?
  27. God is_______…
  28. Three things that make you happy.
  29. What do you like most about your sister?
  30. What do you like most about your brother?

What every mom or dad should know about allergies

allergy
Allergies impact the lives of those suffering from such an exasperating condition.

One important thing to know about allergies is that they come in many forms. They could be irritating itches, troublesome tearing, or sneaky sneezes. While these allergies are mostly just a cause of annoyance, they could pose serious threats to health as well. In extreme circumstances, allergies could be life threatening.

Because allergies, in any case, greatly impact the lives of those suffering from such an exasperating condition, is why they’re worth knowing about. What is allergy and what causes it?

When the immune system of a person over-reacts to normally harmless substances called “allergens,” is why allergies came to exist. These allergens could be anything that could be usually found around the house such as dust mites, food medications, air-borne pollen, pet dander, and even some personal things and objects, among others.

People may suffer from different forms of allergies—skin allergy, food allergy, dust allergy, pet allergies, eye allergy, drug allergies, latex allergy, allergic rhinitis, insect sting allergy, mold allergy, sinus infection, and cockroach allergy. Some allergies may interfere with day-to-day activities or, in extreme cases, could lead to death.

There are five most common allergens—these are pollen, grass, dust mites, mold, and weeds. Some allergies usually show up in infancy or childhood. Allergies could interfere in your child’s ability to sleep well, play, and performance in school.

It is important for mom or dad to look out and determine whether his or her child has an allergy. These are what to see for in your little ones, IF:

  • There’s a red, swollen, scaly and itchy skin, especially in skin folds which dermatologists may diagnose as an atopic dermatitis. It is most common among young children.
  • The child may tend to hack and wheeze.
  • The child has runny, red, itchy, or swollen eyes that persist for more than a week.
  • The child has runny nose that keeps persisting for more than a week.
  • The child has a dry, hacking cough with clear mucus and you could hear a noisy wheeze when he or she breathes. It could be a sign of respiratory allergies.
  • The child is often complaining about his or her stomach cramps.
  • The child has repeated attacks of diarrhea.

It is imperative to see a pediatrician to help you address these things concerning your child. The pediatrician could assist you in formulating a management plan for that matter. However, to truly address the problem, teaching or convincing your child to avoid common triggers is one most sensible approach to it.

Fifty basic rules of parenting every parent must know

Fift_rules_parenting
Be a friend to your child. Spend quality time with your child.

It is of the utmost importance for parents to have a better understanding of their roles. It is through their leadership that the core strength of the family originates. A lot has been written, said, and done about the “rules” on what it means to be a good parent, but it all boils down to the fact that that there is actually no such thing as perfect parenting.

Child rearing is still a dark continent for one to explore, figure out, and learn a lot from. But there are rules being made to help you do it just right for your kids:

  1. Love your children.
  2. Love your spouse.
  3. Set the right example.
  4. Discipline your children but with love.
  5. Accept your responsibility.
  6. Empathize with them.
  7. Set limits. And boundaries.
  8. Allow them to explore the world.
  9. Allow them to have privacy.
  10. Deal with their incessant needs and wants.
  11. Be a friend to your children. Spend quality time with them.
  12. Feel connected to and with them.
  13. Handle anger and conflict appropriately.
  14. Support their freedom to be who they are.
  15. Pay attention when they need you.
  16. Provide them moral guidance.
  17. Support their ability and freedom to think.
  18. Allow them to do things by themselves.
  19. Deal with their limitations, frustrations, and disabilities.
  20. Inspire them. Motivate them. Cheer them up.
  21. Validate their perceptions and way of thinking.
  22. Introduce God into their lives without forcing them.
  23. Teach them respect.
  24. Teach them kindness.
  25. Mirror their communications.
  26. Encourage them to discover or develop their gifts.
  27. Heal their emotional, physical, and psychological wounds.
  28. Take care of your own self.
  29. Maintain a connection with your children.
  30. Have confidence. Be confident.
  31. Be aware of the changes to which your children are going.
  32. Understand your children as evolving beings with a history and a future connected to the present.
  33. Be aware of how you are responding to your children. Be optimistic.
  34. Engage in behaviors concerning your children that would achieve the desired result.
  35. Make your children know and feel that they are loved and that they could trust you.
  36. You must be willing to look at what it is they’re hiding in themselves.
  37. Preserve the self-esteem of your children.
  38. Deepen your understanding of yourself, your partner, and your children.
  39. Communicate effectively with them.
  40. Engage them to an intentional dialogue with you.
  41. Be aware of the fact that there are many ways to discover the problems your children are having.
  42. Always try to see what’s in yourself and in everyone around you with a compassionate heart.
  43. Heal yourself from your own childhood wounds.
  44. Start loving in others the very thing you deplores in yourself.
  45. Listen to what your children have to say. Dialogue teaches you how to listen to them.
  46. See them for who they are; they could teach you many things.
  47. Never assign unacceptable traits or behaviors to them that are actually part of your missing self.
  48. Think of your difficulties as gifts.
  49. You must know that it is not good to inflict emotional pain on your children in order to motivate them.
  50. Take it easy. There’s no perfect formula for parenting. But you would surely learn a lot from experience and from the mistakes you’re making which could only make you a better parent.

How do you get your child to listen to you

natnagkalo
Explain to your child that his obedience is one way he could make you feel better.

As a parent, you wanted to know how you could make your child to listen to you. But how could you do it, or putting across your ideas without irritating him or her? You may try the following tips and hope these might help you:

  • Timing is everything. Talk to your child, communicate in a way that both of you are willing to listen to each other. If listening doesn’t seem to work, still talk. But this time, find the right timing.

Don’t talk to your child when your child is not feeling well. Wait until he or she feels better. It’s true, parents must be their child’s best teachers, but timing is everything. Your child couldn’t hear you when he or she is churning with emotion.

You’ve got to get the feelings out first. You’ve got wait, of course not for a whole day, but maybe an hour or two after the issue has cooled.

  • Parents must communicate their needs to their children. Parents have needs too. There are annoying, frustrating, and disturbing kids. But you have to talk to them in such a way that they would know and understand how it feels like when they have to be in your shoes.

Explain to them that their obedience is one way they could help you feel better. And when you’re feeling better, everyone would be happy. And once everyone is happy, life, no matter how hard, becomes easy.

Life is all about problem-solving, and so with parenting. But even in such a phase of problem-solving your motive should not be about trying to influence, direct, or force your child to accept your solutions.

  • Tone down and be patient. Oftentimes, when you speak to your little ones, you forget you’re using a tone which indicates that you already know they have no intention of doing what you asked them to do.

Avoid speaking irritably to a child through outbursts or scolding or menacing threats. This manner of speech is contagious which could spark feelings of anger and resentment within the child.

How to teach your child to deal with a bully

boxing
My soon-to-be four years old son tries to hit the punching bag.

Most of us may probably have experienced being bullied by someone at some point in our life. Bullies exist and they could be anyone regardless of age, race, and gender.

But what is bullying and why there are bullies? Who do bullies pick on?

Bullying is defined as the repeated physical, verbal, social or psychological aggressive behavior by a person or group directed toward a less powerful person or group. It is intended to cause harm, distress or fear. In other words, bullying is all about intimidating others to inflict such a physical or emotional pain.

Psychologists agree that bullies are most likely the ones to have very low self-esteem. They lack empathy and having such an increasing need to dominate others.

Bullying may just be an unintentional act, with preschoolers especially, of a child who tries to master his or her social basic skills as well as to figure out how he or she could manage his or her own emotions. But once the child crosses the threshold by which he or she is obviously making his or her actions intentional and by making them habitual is why it’s considered a prelude to his or her becoming a bully.

Bullying could cause traumatic consequences to the victims and it has become an increasing threat to children.

Dealing with your child’s bully is all up to you as a parent. Be wary and always try looking out for signs that something is bothering him or her.  Encourage your child to open up by telling you about problems he or she has had encountered with other kids.  Here’s how to teach your child to deal with a bully:

  • Teach your child to show confidence in his or her own self. Tell him or her to make eye contact to his or her bully. Eye contact is one way of sending a message to the other person. Tell your child to be gentle and ask his or her bully what it is he or she was angered for.
  • Be a supportive parent to your child. Let your child know you believe in him or her. That’s one way to build his or her self-confidence. Make your child feel the warmth of your love and that you truly care for him or her.
  • Teach your child to be patient. Patience is a virtue. Tell your child that no matter how he or she is being attacked, to fight back, more often than not, is not the best solution. Teach him or her to walk away whenever he or she could and seek the help of any trusted adults or a teacher.
  • Teach your child to be friendly. Making friends with the bully, if it is possible, is one way to stop a bully from bullying your son or daughter.
  • Talk to your child’s teacher. Tell the teacher that your child was being harassed so as to create awareness concerning the problem that needs to be addressed right away.
  • Contact the offender’s parents. This is only when there are persistent acts of intimidation, and when you’re sure and confident you could make these parents cooperate with you.

Eight simple ways to renew your marriage

marriage
This picture was taken when me and my wife were just dating several years ago.

When a man marries a woman, he commits himself to a process by which he would as well be sharing it with his wife. They would never continue to be the same man and woman but would grow and modify themselves into the best that they could be, discovering new ideas as well as to develop new gifts. The couple should come to embrace each other’s differences and similarities, that is, by way of honoring their differences and in the appreciation of similarities.

Marriage is the very foundation by which families are being built. A strong marriage produces healthy families that produce well-mannered and productive children. It’s sad to hear about some broken marriages resulting to broken families. But some things are not meant to be and God alone knows why.

There are ways in which you could revive or refresh your dying relationship with your spouse. As a couple, both of you are more than capable in creating a new reality for your own selves and in your marriage. All that’s needed is for each one of you to have that energy, imagination, and dedication to renew your vow, but you may as well try these:

BE AN ACTIVE LISTENER

It’s always a wise move to understand what your partner is saying and feeling. When your partner has a concern to express, entertain what such a concern is all about by discussing it with her and to offer what best you could do about it.

When you’re listening to your partner, whatever his or her concern, you’re giving your partner your undivided attention. Never interrupt with him or her, stop being judgmental, don’t respond defensively, and try listening with new ears. When you have these qualities, even what your partner isn’t saying you could also hear.

HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR

Laughter, as we all know, is the best medicine. When someone is laughing, his or her mood changes immediately. Laughter is one best way to take away the gloom out of a person by raising the spirits, quelling fear, and stopping the tears of sorrow.

You don’t even have to become a stand-up comic to bring laughter into the relationship. But as long as you’re helping each other to see the comedic in everyday living and to be amused by life’s many foibles, then that’s it. Laughter, with its ability to mitigate pain, acts as a buffer against hard, trying times.

CREATE SOME PERSONAL SPACE FOR SELF-RENEWAL

Take a break. Life could be too busy so that it leaves you physically exhausted, emotionally irritable, and spiritually depleted. Try spending at least twenty minutes of your precious time each day to recharge your battery.

Spend it praying, reflecting, meditating, reading the Bible, and simply just to be alone and quiet. It is during these silent moments that you’re searching your heart out for what could rejuvenate it. Once you’re able to find that peace within you is when you become more responsive and focused on your partner.

SOLVE PROBLEMS TOGETHER

Usually, when there’s an emerging crisis in marriage, couples are pulling apart instead of pulling together. Take such a trying time as an opportunity for you to empower your relationship by introducing ideas and developing solutions that strengthen the marriage.

Remember the old adage that says: “United we stand, divided we fall.”  There’s strength in unity and togetherness. As long as couples solve problems as a team, they would make it through.

MAKE ROOM FOR EMPATHY

It is best to try putting yourself in your partner’s place. Try to understand your partner like, for example, when she’s not feeling well, don’t respond harshly.

When your partner is edgy or irritable, don’t pass judgment quickly but be more tolerant. Later, as you try to gain insight into your partner’s mood, you would be thanking yourself for not acting harshly which could have ended up to a dispute.

KEEP LOVING

The most challenging part is how to keep the love alive when you’re ignored, pushed aside, held back, rejected, and hurt. It could be done through persistent effort. Don’t stop loving.

Remember that the heart keeps beating even in the damaged body. It has to be the same with how we should love. We should never be losing faith in love despite all of life’s disappointments.

THINK POSITIVELY

Whenever you had a fight or a disagreement with your partner, instead of getting angry or hating your partner, try thinking of all the things that you loved about him or her. That’s called the “right attitude.” There are no perfect relationships and that quarrels or disagreements happen.

It has a lot to do about how to deal with such a situation though. It’s all up to you and you have to decide whether you would allow such a thing to destroy your relationship or not. Thinking positively would place your relationship in the right track.

DO A LOT OF THINGS TOGETHER

You’re a couple so you’re supposed to do a lot of things together. Have fun together regularly. Solve problems together. Cry together. Laugh together.

Engage in fun activities together. Walk together in the park. Run together. Watch a sporting event together. Attend a concert together. Go to church together. There are a lot of things in which a couple could do together. It would make bond stronger each time.