Some tips on how to resolve conflicts in marriage to become the good parent that you could be

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FROM THERE TO ETERNITY. Back when we were at a dating stage.

A strong, healthy marriage is the foundation of good parenting. Parents start as a husband and wife first before they become father and mother. A husband and wife may have unresolved personal and marital issues and these could adversely affect their ability to parent.

When marital conflicts begin to surface, couples end up wondering if they have made a mistake. Their partner does not seem to be the same person they thought they were marrying. There must be something wrong and that’s not what they’re bargaining for from the very beginning.

 There’s no such thing as a perfect formula for resolving conflicts in marriage. Conflicts within marriage are one of the most common problems of the family. It is but normal and natural to have disagreements from time to time.

No two spouses ever agree on everything all of the time. But what’s important is in the way of expressing such a disagreement that could spell the difference.

Once you enter the married life, you would soon discover, not only at the beginning of your marriage but all throughout, that a relationship involves making a lot of sacrifices or the giving up of one’s desire in favor of the other. Success in marriage, therefore, depends upon the efforts and sacrifices exerted not just by one, but by the couple together in their day-to-day relations. Most importantly, it is measured by how much the couple is willing to give unconditional love to each other.

 A lot of people would like to think that marriage is about living together happily ever after with the love of your life and kids. In reality, it’s not always the case. There are many marriages that ended up broken while those that have managed to hold on are, little by little, deteriorating.

But there are ways to improve a couple’s relationship and with a lot of work, patience, and love and compassion could lead you both to a closer satisfactory union. Here are some tips on how to iron out conflicts in your marriage:

PUTTING GOD IN THE CENTER

You have to believe it was God who gave you your life partner and it is your duty and responsibility to cherish and love him or her as a sign of appreciation to the Giver. It was God who leads you to each other to commit your life in a vow that says “till death do us part.” Make sure that He remains part and parcel of your life together.

COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY

Like in other aspects of group of life, communication is a very important tool in helping fix the wear and tear of a marriage. Once either of the couple fails to communicate to the other effectively, then marriage suffers. It has been found out that the majority of conflicts among couples, across families which could even lead to broken homes, are due to failure of communication.

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SWEETHEARTS THEN AND NOW. My wife and me having a date some five years ago.

ADJUST, ADJUST, AND ADJUST

Continuous adjustment is important in marriage since no two individuals are alike. When making any adjustments, it should be such that marital conflicts are well tolerable. The husband and wife should be awakened to the realization of the fact that they have to find ways to honor differences and to work together for the good of their marriage.

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

If it is possible, stop criticizing your partner. Yes, even if you think what you’re going to say to him or her is constructive. Stop criticizing. Instead, you may try suggesting the behavior you desire from him or her. Often, you only notice the mistakes of your partner that you take for granted the good things he or she has done for you.

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Seven things most fathers wish their partners understood them more

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This picture was taken three years ago.

While many wives, with good reason, wish their men to sympathize more with their situation, on the other side of the road is also often true; that there are dads as well who wish women understood about them and their needs. But how could one get more understanding and consideration from someone who also crave for the same in the first place? Well, the best way to do it, in my humble opinion, is for either of the couple to actually give it to the other.

But let’s take a closer look at exploring empathy for a dad. It’s going to suggest, from which to draw on a conversation with dads in general, how it would be for a man to be a parent. Here are seven things in which most fathers wish their partners understood them more. Take note that this is only a generalization.

FATHERS NEED TO BE PRAISED FOR THEIR SKILLS

A dad, just like his beloved wife, loves the child they have made together so much. He has many of the same feelings his wife may be having, like joy when the baby first curls his or her tiny fingers around one of his own. Most dads, who spend less time with their kids than their wives do, may feel less sure of their skills.

Wives should not make their husbands feeling awkward or inept. They must give their husbands a sense of assurance and praise them for their skills or for whatever they’re all best at doing. Husbands must be given time to get involve as they try to pick up their wives’ underlying attitude about their parenting skills.

FATHERS NEED TO BE ACCEPTED FOR WHO THEY ARE

Dads are more than awed at their partners’ ability to make a baby and deeply grateful that they have given them a child. These dads probably appreciate their spouses’ sacrifices more than they could express in words.

But a dad could also feel worried by any fatigue, depression, or other health problems that have developed since his woman became a mother. A mom should welcome whatever suggestions her man is offering like getting more exercise or using more child care. There’s no way for a wife to get irritated for that. Instead, she must accept him for who he is and for the good that he can do.

DADS NEED SOME SPACE

Yes, dads, like most men, need some space so they could do the things that are making them feel good. Allow them to do what they like for a given time. Be supportive.

DADS NEED TO BE SIMPLY UNDERSTOOD

Wives couldn’t make their husbands understand them, but they could try to understand their husbands. The ball is in the wife’s hands and it’s all up to her.

A good wife should be asking her man to describe his feelings as a father. Or she could simply be observing him sans any assumptions, wondering how it feels to be a husband deep down inside. Sure, it might take a conscious decision for a wife in trying to understand her man but, once she did, her husband would notice her interest, appreciate it, and be more empathic with her.

DADS NEED THEIR LOVERS’ ATTENTION

A father is more than capable of loving his child incredibly, but his relationship with his wife is still a priority, not merely a framework for raising kids. A good wife should not make his husband to feel keenly the shift in her attention, affection, energy, and love from him to their child.

DADS NEED A COACH OR A TEAMMATE OUT OF THEIR WIVES

Real men, as tough as they are, sometimes cry, get tired, and feel sad. A good wife should make her man to feel intimately safe with her. But he needs to know, most importantly, that his failure would be met with encouragement and loving arms.

DADS NEED TO BE LIFTED UP

A good wife should be doing her best in building up her man by letting him know or reminding him always that he is a good breadwinner, husband, family man, lover, provider, protector, and a friend. He needs reassurance that he is loved, cared for, and pampered.

How to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner with the birth of your baby

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THREESOME. A family dinner date taken two years ago.

For first time parents, their baby’s birth marks the transformation from a couple into a threesome. Such a change is good since it could expand their horizons while, at the same time, focusing on the new family unit they have created. It is also a time for greater adjustments taking place, keeping your cool, developing tolerance for frustration, and a case of balancing act like, for example, how to keep the intimate relationship between husband and wife fresh while they have to spend so much time in meeting the needs of their baby.

Like a beautiful flower in the garden, a family grows together well over the years on unconditional love, patience, understanding, trust, perseverance, faith, hope, and communication. The birth of an eagerly anticipated baby is just the beginning. You could build on this miraculous start a strong foundation, and one which allows you to invest in a long and happy future as a close knit family.

Every relationship has its own unique challenges. How a husband and his wife, in this particular case, handle the transition in their lifestyle could bring them closer together as a couple. Here are few but important suggestions on how to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner:

ALWAYS KEEP LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN

This is very important. When either of the husband or wife could talk about their feelings, it is one best way to connect to the other person. It prevents assumptions and misunderstandings that would most likely occur between two people who shuts up or closes door.

MAKE TIME TO BE ALONE

Yes, you have to make time to be alone with your partner or for the two of you to go for a date or meet with friends without your baby. You could leave your baby to a trusted nanny or a relative staying with you for at least an hour so both of you could go out dating. Make time to be like when you’re still boyfriends and girlfriends.

MAKE A THREESOME BONDING

The time you’re spending with your partner and baby, is worth every second of it. You could schedule relaxation with the three of you together like walking in the park, a family picnic, or sitting quietly in your living room.

ALWAYS SHOW KINDNESS

You have to speak kindly to your spouse. Aside from having to express your kindness verbally, you have to also express it through your actions. Someone once said that kindness, whether in words or actions, are more healing to a sinking heart than balm or honey.