How Our Emotional Reactions As Parents Affect the Child’s Behavior

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My five-year-old son Nathaniel with his cousin Yana.

There are times when I asked myself this question: How should I deal with my impatient preschooler? And every time I tried to expound on a hope to find an answer, it always point me back. Nathaniel just turned five last August and is sometimes impatient about some things. I had to deal with the fact that he, like most preschoolers, lives fully at the moment and thinking about what he wants right now is something that I have to be patient about because it is something that he can observe and learn a lot from.

And when, unintentionally, I could equate his impatience with impatience, I realize that I need to have some soul searching to do. I know that the moment I experience non-rational, intense, and mystifying reactions to certain encounters or experiences with my five-year-old son, that’s a sign that I need to ask my own self some questions. I had to deal, for the most part, with a question like this: Why did I react that way?

I need to be patient with my son’s impatience. I shall understand that at age five, like most children his age, he is still developing self-control and that much explains why tantrums often erupt when he does not get instant gratification. I know that when I get angry as a reaction to my son’s impatience, it may or may not indicate a problem in him, but it says a lot about me.

He should see me as a good role model. It must start with me. Because I know if I want him to grow up calm, cool, and collected, then I must keep this thing in my head at all times. I know, too, that what I am going to tell him becomes what he hears in his head.

My son is offering me a chance for self-discovery while I am discovering who he is. He is still learning everything and experiencing. He is still gathering specific information, discovering. In that sense, I can’t expect him to be flawless.

While many people may think that parenting is all about messy feeding times, changing diapers, chasing a screaming child, and so on, they really do not know what goes beyond what is considered as one of the most important jobs in the world. Parenting requires more than just providing the basic needs to survive, it goes beyond the surface. Parenting is about mastering the art of influencing.

Parents need, as expected, to be the best influencers their children can look at, for the good. How a child becomes and how he or she creates his or her personality is all affected with the way that parents are interacting with their children. Parents should always be there to support their children, but sometimes physical presence is not enough.

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Help your child become a better person with these six empowering ways

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When children respect themselves and those around them, it would serve them best in almost everything they do.

Every parent would be very glad seeing their children growing up to be reliable persons and who could do things on their own. There’s that awkward feeling at first like when you realize that your kids wouldn’t need your assistance at all because they’re more than capable of doing it on their own.

Teaching them simple things such as how to tie their own shoe, arrange books, wash their hands, and so on, would one day pay off. They would thank you for that, but it’s you who should be most thankful for having done the right thing. Remember that you wouldn’t be doing such a kind of thing for your kids forever because, whether you like it or not, there comes a time when you have to let go because your kids could try or do it on their own.

But how prepared are you for such a day? Were you able to empower your children just like the way you want them to be? Were you able to send them out into the world with a strong sense of self-worth and confidence? Were your ways of motivating them effective enough to give them the upper hand in both their personal and professional relationships?

You’re not perfect as a parent, but it’s your job to keep your children alive, well-fed, and taken care of. You have got to make them but the best version of themselves. You have to empower them.

Here’s how you could do it better:

HELP THEM BECOME RESPONSIBLE PERSONS

You could start by giving them responsibility. Teach them to accept responsibility for their actions. Encourage them to stop the blame game and start accepting responsibility.

TEACH THEM HOW TO BE PATIENT

Well, the best way to teach patience is to practice patience. Be a model for patience before your children. Engage them in activities that require patience.

GIVE YOUR KIDS SOMETHING TO CARE FOR

It could be anything, maybe a plant or a pet. It might be just an ordinary task but when children start seeing the direct result of their care for something, it would give them a sense of pride nothing else could.

MAKE THEM LEARN THE VALUE OF RESPECT

Chances are, if you’re not teaching your kids respect it would eventually lost. When children respect themselves and those around them, it would serve them best in almost everything they do.

LET THEM BE SELF-SUFFICIENT

I think I wouldn’t find this one hard to implement for my four-year-old son, Nathaniel, as he’s so eager to take things all by himself. When I tried to teach him something, he first would listen and observe. The next thing you’ll see was that he’s doing it all by himself and he just wouldn’t allow you to intervene.

The good thing about self-sufficient kids is that they may be even more capable of helping others around them as their needs they could take care themselves.

TEACHING THEM HOW TO BE GRATEFUL

Naturally, children are materialistic and self-serving persons. But, the good thing is, we could teach them how to be grateful. And from thankfulness flows joy.

Once kids learn gratitude, they become sensitive to the feelings of others. They would be able to develop empathy and other skills along the way.

Be a role model for gratitude. Encourage generosity. Name your blessings.

 

Helping the younger generations through the formative years of life

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Nathaniel and his friends sang the Philippine National Anthem in this picture. 

Whether you like it or not, society plays a significant role in creating a system that could either effectively destroy or promote human worth. While there are lots of good things a society could do that people could positively mirror from, the need to understand the destructive forces it may create should as well be given attention if you wish to help the younger generations through the formative years of their lives. Consider the following factors a society is capable of creating such a false value system that could effectively destroy human worth in general:

INTELLIGENCE

One critical factor by which people tend to measure the worth of an individual is through his or her innate intelligence. There are parents who are highly sensitive and vulnerable whenever somebody’s implying that their child is being incapable mentally.

It must be dealt with considerably, though, the fact that most parents become interesting creatures after the birth of their baby. It would appear as if they’re in competition against all other parents. All they want is for their child to excel in everything. Bragging is the name of the game, as if it could give the child more worth.

Often, parents are going to evaluate the worth of their child through his or her ability to make them look good. But what happens if the child couldn’t measure up to his or her parents’ expectations? Instead of pressuring or losing interest on the child, the best thing parents could do is to focus on their child’s strengths and good qualities.

There are more important things in life than impressive grades in school reports (not that it is not important to be good at what you’re doing or aspiring to excel at something, though.) But the point is it would especially help the child if the parents are finding ways to develop such a special talent within a child that would compensate for his or her weaknesses. Parents are helping their slow-learner child better if they could find a skill out of their child that he or she enjoys and in providing the opportunity for him or her to master it.

Remember that the worth of an individual should not be measured by his or her IQ. A slow-learner child especially if you’re making comparison of him or her to that of a bright one of his or her age may find himself or herself caught in a whirlpool of depression.  He or she becomes the wasted victim of a false value that a society creates.

THE LOOKS

Anyone who’s born beautiful is having such a distinct advantage over others. It’s a fact that human society so highly prized beauty. Even a toddler would be learning what good looks could do for him or her. The good looking child would know by experience that the adults of his or her life are going to respond favorably to him or her.

They would be smiling at him or her, telling him or her how cute he or she is, and even make a fuss over him or her. On the other hand, the unattractive child is overlooked and deprived of what his or her better-looking siblings are getting—attention, praises, flatteries, and admirations. Although it’s an accepted human nature, judging a person’s worth on the basis of physical attractiveness is a false value.

OTHER FACTORS

There are circumstances beyond a person’s control that predisposes him or her to have emotional problems. Factors such as physical deformity or oddity could almost ruin a child’s life. Financial deprivation could also seriously handicap a young child’s peer acceptance, most particularly if his or her clothing does fall within acceptable norms.

Some of these social blunders or mistakes during the early years could sometimes haunt a person for as long as he or she lives. Other factors affecting self-growth are, for example, when you’re brought up in a single parent home, having an alcoholic parent, having a mentally or physically disabled sibling, belonging to a cultural minority, or being part of a different race or religion. Unloving relationships also cripple other children.

While people may often naively assert that all a child should need is love and he or she would develop satisfactorily, won’t be enough. Parents may be able to control factors inside the home, but they couldn’t totally control the world outside their home. In spite of all of these problems life’s throwing at a child, he or she must still be able to function adequately.

Children must be taught how to cope with the false values that stem from society. They must be taught how to grow emotionally through problems. They must be taught to accept the inevitable hurts and to nobly rise above them.

Seeing the difference and loving it

SEEING THE DIFFERENCE AND LOVING IT
Connectivity is the fundamental principle of the universe.

Parenting is viewed as something, at least by most people including myself, originating from such a belief that the universe is a creation of God. A conscious parent, therefore, or to become one, is the one who engaged in such a connectional process as being the expression of the laws of the universe. So that when we, parents, parent our child consciously, we’re participating in the cosmic order as well as that of contributing to what it is trying to do.

Hence, parenting or child rearing should be such that is more than just caring for a child as a biological life-form. It is, as what should ideally be, to participate in the creation of God and the laws of the universe. It is not only to promote and do what is a moral act, but because it is such a moral imperative to do so.

The universe that we live in is a Conscious Universe. Its very stuff is Consciousness in the same way that we could become self-aware as we have the capacity of self-awareness we inherited from the universe that is becoming conscious of itself through us.

We should become more aware of the universe and the intimacy of our connection to all things because of this. We should become more aware of how the Almighty Creator is working through us to achieve its purpose. When our very essence as parents is consciousness, we do not only make conscious parenting possible but, most importantly, we as well participate in the divine plan.

Our universe, as what the general view in Physics trying to explain it, exploded into being (an estimated ten to fourteen billion years ago), which gave birth to all things: the stars, the galaxies, and eventually all life-forms, including us. It could lead us to the conclusion that, from the very start, we’re all made of the same stuff.

But while scientists are trying to figure out what should be the answer to such a question on how consciousness could arise out of inanimate material, it is good for us to believe, along with some physicists, that the stardust of which we are made is animated, and in essence, is Consciousness.

Our consciousness came into being, from our unique perspective, not as a quality of our physical reality that arose at some point in our evolution, but as the essence of our physical being.

Believing that such a Consciousness, from the very beginning, mutated into energy and matter, giving birth to all things, both animate and inanimate, is the best way possible to understand why “connectivity” should be, considering that all things are made from the same material, the fundamental principle of the universe.

We must also be aware of the fact that Consciousness, which in essence is non-material, is yearning to express itself in a multiplicity of forms. The form Consciousness has taken in us is to become human. But it has also fulfilled its drive to take form in millions of other ways.

Looking at nature, we couldn’t help but see how much life loves diversity. Each one of us is different from all the others, but remains a human being nonetheless. Not even identical twins are totally the same in every way, because their unique experiences are going to shape them in unique ways.

In the same manner that we and our children are far from identical, we could, at least, through them see the world differently. Through them, we’re given the chance to notice things that would have been invisible to us and to know things we haven’t learned ourselves. It is our job as parents to see such a difference and loving it.

Evaluate your children through this test

evaluate_your_child
Help your child in overcoming his or her negative feelings; capitalize on developing healthier feelings.

This questionnaire is not a psychological test just so you could determine whether your child is normal or not. But this was just intended to give you a better idea of how your child feels about himself or herself. Parents should be studying the responses carefully for any negative feelings that may be showing up in their children’s answers.

You have to figure out what are these things that your child disliked about himself or herself. The challenge is for you to do something in helping your child overcome these negative feelings and develop healthier feelings.

  1. What three things do you like best about yourself?
  2. I feel bad when___________…
  3. I feel awful when__________…
  4. The thing I do worst is__________…
  5. It really worries me when_________…
  6. If you could make just one wish and it could come true, what would that be?
  7. I am most proud of my ability to_________… Why?
  8. One thing my friends disliked about me is________…
  9. I feel important when________…
  10. I feel comfortable when________…
  11. The people I dislike most_________…Why?
  12. The people I like most_________…Why?
  13. The thing I dislike most about my looks is________…
  14. Five words that best describe me are__________…
  15. What four things do you like about yourself?
  16. One word to describe your dad.
  17. One word to describe your mom.
  18. When it comes to sports, I________…
  19. Three things you don’t like about yourself.
  20. If I could change one thing about myself and make myself different from how I am now, it would be_________…
  21. If you’re a flower, what flower would you be and why?
  22. I would have more friends if_______…
  23. In order to be more popular with other children_______…
  24. Things I wish I didn’t do________…
  25. The best thing about being me is________…
  26. If you could change one on yourself, what should it be? Why?
  27. God is_______…
  28. Three things that make you happy.
  29. What do you like most about your sister?
  30. What do you like most about your brother?

Fifty basic rules of parenting every parent must know

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Be a friend to your child. Spend quality time with your child.

It is of the utmost importance for parents to have a better understanding of their roles. It is through their leadership that the core strength of the family originates. A lot has been written, said, and done about the “rules” on what it means to be a good parent, but it all boils down to the fact that that there is actually no such thing as perfect parenting.

Child rearing is still a dark continent for one to explore, figure out, and learn a lot from. But there are rules being made to help you do it just right for your kids:

  1. Love your children.
  2. Love your spouse.
  3. Set the right example.
  4. Discipline your children but with love.
  5. Accept your responsibility.
  6. Empathize with them.
  7. Set limits. And boundaries.
  8. Allow them to explore the world.
  9. Allow them to have privacy.
  10. Deal with their incessant needs and wants.
  11. Be a friend to your children. Spend quality time with them.
  12. Feel connected to and with them.
  13. Handle anger and conflict appropriately.
  14. Support their freedom to be who they are.
  15. Pay attention when they need you.
  16. Provide them moral guidance.
  17. Support their ability and freedom to think.
  18. Allow them to do things by themselves.
  19. Deal with their limitations, frustrations, and disabilities.
  20. Inspire them. Motivate them. Cheer them up.
  21. Validate their perceptions and way of thinking.
  22. Introduce God into their lives without forcing them.
  23. Teach them respect.
  24. Teach them kindness.
  25. Mirror their communications.
  26. Encourage them to discover or develop their gifts.
  27. Heal their emotional, physical, and psychological wounds.
  28. Take care of your own self.
  29. Maintain a connection with your children.
  30. Have confidence. Be confident.
  31. Be aware of the changes to which your children are going.
  32. Understand your children as evolving beings with a history and a future connected to the present.
  33. Be aware of how you are responding to your children. Be optimistic.
  34. Engage in behaviors concerning your children that would achieve the desired result.
  35. Make your children know and feel that they are loved and that they could trust you.
  36. You must be willing to look at what it is they’re hiding in themselves.
  37. Preserve the self-esteem of your children.
  38. Deepen your understanding of yourself, your partner, and your children.
  39. Communicate effectively with them.
  40. Engage them to an intentional dialogue with you.
  41. Be aware of the fact that there are many ways to discover the problems your children are having.
  42. Always try to see what’s in yourself and in everyone around you with a compassionate heart.
  43. Heal yourself from your own childhood wounds.
  44. Start loving in others the very thing you deplores in yourself.
  45. Listen to what your children have to say. Dialogue teaches you how to listen to them.
  46. See them for who they are; they could teach you many things.
  47. Never assign unacceptable traits or behaviors to them that are actually part of your missing self.
  48. Think of your difficulties as gifts.
  49. You must know that it is not good to inflict emotional pain on your children in order to motivate them.
  50. Take it easy. There’s no perfect formula for parenting. But you would surely learn a lot from experience and from the mistakes you’re making which could only make you a better parent.

How do you get your child to listen to you

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Explain to your child that his obedience is one way he could make you feel better.

As a parent, you wanted to know how you could make your child to listen to you. But how could you do it, or putting across your ideas without irritating him or her? You may try the following tips and hope these might help you:

  • Timing is everything. Talk to your child, communicate in a way that both of you are willing to listen to each other. If listening doesn’t seem to work, still talk. But this time, find the right timing.

Don’t talk to your child when your child is not feeling well. Wait until he or she feels better. It’s true, parents must be their child’s best teachers, but timing is everything. Your child couldn’t hear you when he or she is churning with emotion.

You’ve got to get the feelings out first. You’ve got wait, of course not for a whole day, but maybe an hour or two after the issue has cooled.

  • Parents must communicate their needs to their children. Parents have needs too. There are annoying, frustrating, and disturbing kids. But you have to talk to them in such a way that they would know and understand how it feels like when they have to be in your shoes.

Explain to them that their obedience is one way they could help you feel better. And when you’re feeling better, everyone would be happy. And once everyone is happy, life, no matter how hard, becomes easy.

Life is all about problem-solving, and so with parenting. But even in such a phase of problem-solving your motive should not be about trying to influence, direct, or force your child to accept your solutions.

  • Tone down and be patient. Oftentimes, when you speak to your little ones, you forget you’re using a tone which indicates that you already know they have no intention of doing what you asked them to do.

Avoid speaking irritably to a child through outbursts or scolding or menacing threats. This manner of speech is contagious which could spark feelings of anger and resentment within the child.

How to teach your child to deal with a bully

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My soon-to-be four years old son tries to hit the punching bag.

Most of us may probably have experienced being bullied by someone at some point in our life. Bullies exist and they could be anyone regardless of age, race, and gender.

But what is bullying and why there are bullies? Who do bullies pick on?

Bullying is defined as the repeated physical, verbal, social or psychological aggressive behavior by a person or group directed toward a less powerful person or group. It is intended to cause harm, distress or fear. In other words, bullying is all about intimidating others to inflict such a physical or emotional pain.

Psychologists agree that bullies are most likely the ones to have very low self-esteem. They lack empathy and having such an increasing need to dominate others.

Bullying may just be an unintentional act, with preschoolers especially, of a child who tries to master his or her social basic skills as well as to figure out how he or she could manage his or her own emotions. But once the child crosses the threshold by which he or she is obviously making his or her actions intentional and by making them habitual is why it’s considered a prelude to his or her becoming a bully.

Bullying could cause traumatic consequences to the victims and it has become an increasing threat to children.

Dealing with your child’s bully is all up to you as a parent. Be wary and always try looking out for signs that something is bothering him or her.  Encourage your child to open up by telling you about problems he or she has had encountered with other kids.  Here’s how to teach your child to deal with a bully:

  • Teach your child to show confidence in his or her own self. Tell him or her to make eye contact to his or her bully. Eye contact is one way of sending a message to the other person. Tell your child to be gentle and ask his or her bully what it is he or she was angered for.
  • Be a supportive parent to your child. Let your child know you believe in him or her. That’s one way to build his or her self-confidence. Make your child feel the warmth of your love and that you truly care for him or her.
  • Teach your child to be patient. Patience is a virtue. Tell your child that no matter how he or she is being attacked, to fight back, more often than not, is not the best solution. Teach him or her to walk away whenever he or she could and seek the help of any trusted adults or a teacher.
  • Teach your child to be friendly. Making friends with the bully, if it is possible, is one way to stop a bully from bullying your son or daughter.
  • Talk to your child’s teacher. Tell the teacher that your child was being harassed so as to create awareness concerning the problem that needs to be addressed right away.
  • Contact the offender’s parents. This is only when there are persistent acts of intimidation, and when you’re sure and confident you could make these parents cooperate with you.

Bible-based tips on how to be a good parent

Bible-based tips on how to be a good parent
Obedience to God is the key to have a happy family life.

The Holy Bible contains the words of God. It is a manual for what could only be good for us. It guides, directs, and shows the way.

The concept of a family comes from God. He performed the first marriage in the persons of Adam and Eve, blessed them, and told them to multiply and occupy the whole face of the earth.

God wants married people to be happy. But man’s fall to sin has ruined it all. Yet He ransomed us through Christ Jesus so that what was being lost to sin would be restored as new.

For the husband and wife, God has this to say, to quote from Ephesians chapter five, verse thirty-three: “Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Upon the arrival of their first child, the couple would no longer be just husband and wife but as new parents. It is both a duty and responsibility. They’re now a family. Obedience to God is the key to have a happy family life.

As for the parents, the Lord God said to them in the book of Ephesians chapter six, verse four: “Do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and admonition of the Almighty.”

He even made it clear about what responsibility do they have as what was stated in Deuteronomy chapter six, verses four to nine and in Proverbs chapter twenty-two, verse six: “You need to take the time to teach your children about God. Starting when they are very young, patiently help each one to become God’s friend.”

In Jeremiah chapter thirty, verse eleven and in Hebrews chapter twelve, verses nine to eleven, God instructed about how parents should discipline their children: “You need to discipline your children but never in anger or with cruelty.”

The importance of promoting early bonding between parents and child

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Bonding between the mother and her baby especially in the first one to two hours after birth is very important.

Early childhood care and stimulation should begin during pregnancy to promote mother and child bonding. This is very important for an infant’s well-being and overall development. There are many different ways in which parents could stimulate their child from pregnancy through early childhood. Some of these are as follow:

KEEPING A POSITIVE ATTITUDE TOWARD THE PREGNANCY

Keeping a positive attitude toward pregnancy could ensure a supportive and caring environment for both mother and child which in turn:

  • Ensures the mother’s well-being and appropriate care; it could also reduce the emotional stress on her. Take note that a relaxed mom would have a calming, soothing effect on the baby who is very sensitive to her moods and feelings.
  • Promotes sensitivity to the developing infant’s needs during the pre-natal stage as well as in the awareness of the infant as a human being.

COMMUNICATING WITH THE BABY WHILE STILL IN THE WOMB

Communicating with the baby while still in the womb is very important as it could promote attachment between mother and child, make the child feel that she could trust his or her caregiver, reassure him or her that he or she is accepted , cared and loved, and promote his or her sense of comfort and security.

Parents could do the following:

  • Touch or rub gently the enlarged abdomen.
  • Allow the fetus to listen to music or the parents could do the singing themselves.
  • Talk to the child or read him or her stories.
  • Introduce the infant to the home and immediate neighborhood.
  • Bring the infant to parks and scenic places in the community.

BONDING IN THE FIRST ONE TO TWO HOURS AFTER BIRTH

Bonding between the mother and her baby especially in the first one to two hours after birth is of the utmost importance. This is due to the fact that, at birth, all the senses of the baby are fully functioning and he or she could already hear, see, smell, and feel.

At birth, a mom or dad should be doing the following:

  • Immediately put the baby to her breast with skin to skin contact to let the baby feel his or her mother’s warmth.
  • Establish eye to eye contact and talk to the baby softly and lovingly while his or her mom is breastfeeding.
  • Talk to the baby when he or she is awake and initiate simple games with facial expressions and sounds.

CARING FOR THE PREGNANT MOTHER

Caring for the pregnant mom is important for both the mom’s and child’s well-being. Reducing stress and tension of the pregnant mom would help her cope with the demands of pregnancy and would promote child growth and development.

The husband should be doing, to the best of his ability, what could be good for his wife by:

  • Making sure she gets proper nutrition, exercise, rest, and pre-natal health care.
  • Helping her with the household chores and care for older siblings.
  • Sharing with her experiences regarding breastfeeding, child care, and appropriate forms of infant stimulation.